There is one primary reason why a person is encouraged to
attend therapy, drug counseling, and AA meetings while in recovery, and that is
to become more self aware. When you
are aware of the choices you make and why, you're more likely to stop making
choices out of hurt, pain, or fear. And instead, you can begin to make choices
out of love, acceptance, and excitement. It's easy to make a choice out of
fear, especially if you've been doing that throughout your life.
For instance, perhaps when you were drinking you reached for
a glass of wine whenever you felt guilty or shameful. Because you couldn't bear
those feelings on some level, you reached for something that would make those
emotions go away. And you might not have been aware that those feelings have
been present with you for your most of your life. Instead, you've been doing
all that you can to avoid them.
As an adult, drinking became a socially acceptable way to
hide what you were feeling on the inside. You drank to numb yourself mentally,
emotionally, and physically. At some point, you might have made the association
that drinking could do that for you. And later, it became an unconscious and
automatic habit to drink when you didn't feel well emotionally.
This kind of emotional numbing is true for many addicts. And
it doesn't have to be guilt or shame, emotions that addicts tend to rid
themselves of include anger, fear, regret, resentment, betrayal, or loss.
If you're in recovery now, your task is to become more and
more self aware. It's not an easy task because it requires letting those
feelings be there. It requires being open to what is happening on the inside
versus trying to push everything away. And self-awareness is not something that
you can force yourself to have. It happens slowly, over time.
However, there are practices that you can engage in that can
facilitate developing self-awareness. As mentioned above, this might be
attending therapy and utilizing the client-therapist relationship to facilitate
awareness. Drug counseling and attending 12-step meetings can also help.
However, a great way to become more self-aware is to read. When you read books
about addiction, codependency, and recovery you learn about the experiences
that others have had. You might also learn about the typical inner dynamics
that lend themselves to addiction. And as you read, you might notice some of
those dynamics in yourself. You might say, "Oh, I do that!" What's
great about reading is that it's not until you read about something that you
recognize it in yourself. Up until that point, you were unaware of that playing
a role in your addiction.
In recovery from addition, there are many facets of
treatment that can facilitate awareness, such as those suggested above.
However, you might also try alternative health practices, such as meditation
and yoga. These can also facilitate awareness. Each of these practices can slow
the pace of the mind, and with a slower mind and a slower way of life you're
more likely to notice yourself. You're more likely to become more aware of what
you're doing and why. Over time, with a growing self awareness, you can get
better at no longer making choices out of fear but instead out of love and
self-acceptance.
